For the last few weeks the phrase, “I serve at the pleasure of the King,” has been randomly rolling through my head. I don’t know where it came from or why it’s been making so many appearances in my contemplations, but I like it.
Men have a reputation for going through some sort of mid-life crisis, where they start questioning their purpose, their legacy, and maybe even their future. As I approach my mid-forties, however, I find myself seeking answers to some similar questions. Mine are slightly different, but I find myself contemplating these thoughts more than I would like to; “Am I becoming irrelevant? Will I ever get to live out my dreams and passions? Is homemaking and homeschooling it for me?”
Don’t get me wrong, being a mom is by far the most fulfilling thing I’ve ever done, and I wouldn’t trade my current life for another. But, on top of raising world changers, I would still love to be one. I would still love to take photos of, and write about, things that matter. I would love to be actively involved in missions and disaster relief. I want to impact lives and carry His Kingdom and His presence to the lost and hurting around the world. I think about these things all the time, it’s not that I’ve put them on the back burner, or laid down those dreams, I am actively waiting and looking for opportunities, but sometimes it feels like they evade me.
Apparently, there is a tiktok trend going around right now where women ask their boyfriends/husbands/male friends how often they think about the Roman Empire. From what I understand most women are surprised to find out that guys think about history all the time. Mistakes that have been made and are being repeated. How the state of the world could affect their lives and the ones they love. Most commentaries on the trend say that women (overall) don’t think about history or see how it affects us today. The reigning conclusion is that we are primarily concerned with our social circles and only the things that are directly affecting our lives, our comfort level, and our relationships. I don’t think they are totally wrong, however, in this case I fall more in line with the guys. I love to contemplate history and how we got to where we are, how to avoid repeating the dark parts of our history, and about how things that might not seem to affect us directly can, and will inevitably, affect us indirectly. I am always contemplating something. It’s a little exhausting at times, but I can’t stop. I want to think about things that matter. I want to talk about things that matter. I want to do things that matter.
This brings me back to that invasive little phrase, “I serve at the pleasure of the King.” I want to do a lot of things. I still have big dreams, and I won’t lie, sometimes it’s easy to feel unseen, overlooked, irrelevant and without any hope that those dreams will ever come to pass. It’s easy to feel like I have been faithful in all of the little things, but people around me are getting chosen to do the big things. And it’s not about promotion or being seen, I just really want to do the things that I’m passionate about, even if nobody ever sees me doing them. It’s not about promotion or being seen, I’ve just always wanted, like everyone else, to live an extraordinary life. But. There is always a “but” isn’t there? But… I do serve at the pleasure of the King. Historically that phrase was used to express complete and utter loyalty to a King or used to show the submission of a prisoner or a servant to their master. Either scenario works for me. He is my King; I am His servant. I am fully committed to Him, loyal to Him, and submitted to Him. If being a homemaker and raising world changers is what He wants from me, it’s my pleasure to do those things, even if it’s only those things. I tell you what, that invasive little phrase has been heart changing, attitude adjusting, and life giving for me these last few weeks as I have been struggling with discouragement. Maybe the “little things” are the “big things.” Maybe I’ll have a part in changing the world through one of my kids. Maybe my complete surrender is a sweet aroma to my King. Maybe that’s all He needs or wants from me.
So, even if I have to continue to surrender my dreams and desires, I will. Because in the end, my love for Him outweighs my dreams for me.
I will always serve at the pleasure of my King.
Colossians 3:23 “Whatever you do, do it with all your heart, as if you are working for the Lord…”
Wander More 